Reality

When I was younger I had a very clear vision of whats right and whats wrong. I knew what moral boundaries were and I would never even think of crossing the line.

The problem I am now facing is pretty much adultery. Maybe this is the reality?

Citadel

I don't know why I do the things I do. In my quest to get a trophy I hurt feelings and betray emotions.

Lost in Transition

I have woken up.

For some reason, I strayed from my goal and I had gotten lost on the way. I totally forgot the reason I am saving all this money... the reason I have purchased property...the reason I am pursuing a more senior position in my hospital.

I had it all planned out and it was pretty set in stone if I had followed it strongly. This was all so that in 20 years I would have achieved all my planned milestones... the main one being that I would be married to my partner of Sylvia.

What the hell was I thinking when I let another girl into my life? Why did I even ask for the number? I already have everything I need in my life... I have exceptional friends, I have a good stable job and I have a perfect girlfriend.

This chapter in my story has worried many of my friends, who have spent alot of time and thought into my stupid misadventure. However something still remains to be settled... that is Sylvias circumstances in Hong Kong.

Today I called her to ask her when she can return here. I told her we can get married, and ill even go there personally to bring her back here for that matter. I don't want my heart to stray anymore. I dont want to be lonely here by myself anymore. She will think about it and call me back tomorrow.

Right now my resolve is pretty strong - I need to get my shit together and work harder.

Blinded by Stupidity

Self affliction of pain is really stupid. This week has been hell for me. I havn't slept well or concentrate well due to the presence of this new girl in my life.

I cannot even imagine how I lived my life last week without all these worries. How I wish I did not ask her for her number. Now I am clusterfucked in the brain ; does she really like me? Does she have other intentions? Do I really like her? What will happen to my current partner?

Last week I was able to go out on jogs, play games with my buddies and concentrate on my future with clear vision. At the moment all I see is a guilty conscious slowly devouring my mind away.

Hindsight

I think I need to appreciate the things I already have in my possession and not try to pursue unrealistic dreams.

Lifelong Debt

I think I have just reached some type of mid age crisis in my early 20's. I don't know how the hell this happened but it just imploded on me tonight.

I asked a girl for her number
She turned out to be 5 years older than I am
She likes me
I have residual feelings for her
I am in a long distance relationship
She is in a 3 year relationship
She asked me out for a drink tonight.
I become mindfucked.


Having girls interested in me is nothing new to me... but this seems like something outve a movie. I think I am in big shit.

twenty cents

Sometimes I do things based on gut instincts and sometimes I do things with intense planning. I've always been the more independent type though, only doing what I believe in.

Several events have occured since I last posted...

1) I have purchased my first property.
2) I have decided to stay with Sylvia
3)However, I am still not able to let go of the new girl completely


Other stuff has also been happening, but these seem to be the thoughts revolving around my head at the moment. I am only human and I still make lapses in judgement.