Pain

It was a very unexpected blow to me, and I felt both angry and hurt. The frustration will subside, but the hurt may be left forever in my memory.
Perhaps it is not such a big deal and I am the one blowing it out've proportion, but I still cannot comprehend the fact that he even let the benefit of the doubt get to him.

Oblivion

The night before we had one of our game nights. The four of us had a a blast - BBQ followed by lots of games. It has been a while since we have done that. Yesterday I had a very full day...walking to work, am shift, playing badminton for 2 hours, then heading off to a gym session. That's when we had dinner. In short, the dinner did not go too well as two of us got into some very childish behaviour and we ended up sitting separately. However we got back together right after and enjoyed dessert at another restaurant. It was overall a very exciting day.

Today I called one of them to talk about the body pain that we are both experiencing. The conversation brought us up to the issue that arose last night during dinner...and alot more. I had never guessed that between us we had our own politics.

Subject of the Day

I miss you Sylvia.

Junky

I have been doing alot more excersize lately. The reason is mainly because Sylvia said I look like HK singer William So due to my weight gain of the past 2-3 years. I personally find him very intelligent looking, however she does not. Anyhow, I have decided that my BMI was abit too close to the overweight criteria so I have decided to adapt a new attitude to excersize to become healthier.

I have discovered that this attitude has come with many fringe benefits. I have been feeling alot brighter and fitter lately, and I think that it provides great opportunities to interact with my friends.

While I am enjoying the advantages of excersize, I must say I am not at all interested in becoming a gym junky or some fitness guru. I am doing this only for my health and not for performance or body image. As a health worker, it is a great advantage to me as I know how the body works as to regulate my fitness.

Mourning

It's been a few weeks since Michael Jackson's death, and I am still trying to mourn for him by constantly playing his music and videos and catching up on the news regarding his death. Him leaving us is such a shock to me. I never knew the man personally, but I felt as if I grew up with him. As a health professional I should not even be this caring towards death as I face it all the time... however it's only human nature (no pun intended).

Landmines

Tonight I was in charge of PECC again. This inevitably gave me the opportunity to gossip about the people at work and update myself on the happenings of the ward once again. I must admit my workplace is a political landmine.

Tonight I found that my newgrad friend was seen as a 'dork', that some of the staff are hated by certain others and some have bitter histories with one another. Even what would seem to be the closest girlfriends in the ward did not seem like what it would.

I have no clue why people trust me with these kind of information. However it dawned on me that I had to be very careful... as the bearer of this knowledge I now am somewhat a part of it.

Now I must tread carefully lest I accidentally set something off. Boy I love work politics!

Friendly Flirting

I went out tonight with an old friend of mine. I was meant to meet her 6 months ago, but I kept delaying it because of my "busy schedule". Anyhow, after work tonight I went to the city with her and we ate some Korean food at a restaraunt. I shouted the meal because it was I who kept delaying our meeting and I guess I have to give some consideration into the patience she had.

I am not too sure but I got the vibe she was flirting with me. Perhaps I am thinking too much but she hugged me twice unexpectedly tonight and kept asking me suggestions for fun after dinner ( I was content to go home after the meal). We walked around the city and we played the airhockey game at Galaxy World after seeing some kids play it. She asked me many questions about my love life and took a few pictures of us too... in fact she even got one of the waiters to take a pic of us during dinner. She even sent me an sms with a personal joke right after we left.

I did not really react much tonight. I guess I just felt abit worn out from my morning shift... and because perhaps I was abit guilty with the satisfaction of being paid attention to by a female again. I have not courted any girls since Sylvia had left, or even spared a thought of the possibilities I could have with other females. Domewhere during this period, I feel my human instincts grow each day, craving for the attention I used to be overexposed to.

I miss the 'touch' of a female. Here we are on different ends of the world wasting away our youth, time and energy in order for the opportunitiy to reunite.

Lifeline

Last night I got a call at 1800 on my day off. They were wondering whether I can turn up for the night shift instead of this morning. Although I had dinner arrangements with my friends already, I decided to go right after I have the dinner since it was night shopping and I haven't met with my friends for a while.

When I got there they put me in charge of the Pecc unit again. I did not really prepare for the arduous night shift so naturally I was abit tired and I was not performing at my 100%. I did everything early on the shift to prevent anything from being forgotten and the night went though pretty quick. One of the tasks of the night shift in PECC is to take lifeline calls from those who feel suicidal or require assistance after hours. A pager is located in the office and it forwards numbers to us whenever someone is in need.

By the time I was at the train station on the way home, my friend told me it was surprisingly lucky I did not get any calls from the pager. I did not suspect anything until she asked me whether I had turned the pager on... and from my recollection I did not. I had no clue it needed to be turned on... I thought it was automatically on 24/7.

This could have severe consequences on me... especially for the in-charge. I have been negligent in my shift, failing to perform the expected role of the in charge nurse. Somebody suicidal may have called in last night requiring help but I was not there for them. I got 2 missed calls this morning which I did not pick up because I was sleeping. I am really wishing that these calls are asking me to do extra shifts and not to invite me for disciplinary action.


With greater power comes greater responsibility.