Unreal

I shouldn't even be online right now but I need to jot down my experiences today before I lose the essence of it.

It's been another week at Bankstown hospital. I have kinda adjusted to the ward, most of the work is actually during new admissions where I need to gather data on the patient and do his ECGs and all sorts of other obs. So far so good.

Today was the first time I got to see a dead person. I was not there when the resuscitation was going on, but I was there to help clean up the body. I do not know what happened to him but I gathered it was organ failure. He was still warm to the touch, looked perfused and had a dramatic look on his face with his eyes open and his mouth open. We had to make him look presentable for the family and take him to the mourning room where his family can gather. The man was only in his 60s, and was of medium build.

The experience I got from this was unexpected. I kill heaps of stuff on the internet and in games, I watch brutal movies where massacres occur while eating, I can even watch though a whole surgical operation without flinching. I thought this would be nothing to me.
However when I got in, I felt a bit weak in the knees. My heart was pumping rapidly and it just felt a bit unreal. I had the urge to say that I am sorry to the body, but I resisted it because I felt a bit stupid doing so. Anyway overall it was acceptable. I did not cry or feel scared or anything, the feeling I had experienced was indescribable.

We also celebrated a friends birthday party today. That explains why I am typing this at this time of the night. Anyhow I feel dizzy. Jacky out.