Streak

My bad luck streak is still going strong. This week we had a clinical practice examination and I had my friend be my partner. While I was not exactly 100% confident I did feel I was prepared enough to do well. We went in and were given case scenarios whereby my friend was to role play as an anxious patient while I was meant to be his counselor.

He was extremely nervous and before I was able to finish introducing myself, he interrupted me and screamed a dialogue. I was forced to skip the introduction and move straight into the therapeutic stuff. Although we both passed, the marker told me I would have gotten a better mark if I was able to introduce myself. Again this was something beyond my control which has lowered my marks. However I do not blame him, because he is a good friend of mine and I'm actually glad we both passed it.

Last night I was angered by a close friend of mine. I rarely lose control of temper but I don't know what went into me to hang up on her. Maybe it was the multiple times I told her I was tired and did not want to chat, or maybe it was the fact that she wanted to prove I was depressed in which I was not- I don't know. All I know was her concern transformed into annoyance and I just wasn't in much of a mood to put up with it. To aggravate me more was her friend in the background which repeated our conversation loud enough for me to notice it. It was wrong of me to hang up on her but I don't think I'm going to initiate the apology. I think I have had enough of people telling me how to live my life or tell me how I feel, as if I am unable to detect my own feelings.

I'm going to pursue things with my own expectations now. I'm not going to live someone else's 'dream' life.

Expectations

This semester has been one of suffering and torment. There has been a large-scale motivation drought through out our whole campus.

The first batch of essay results have come out and they are not exactly eye candy. For the 5005 essay I managed to achieve 60%. While 60% screams mediocrity, it is actually quite an achievement for me. You see, the overall average was 50%. This means that for everybody who got above the 50% line, someone had to get a mark below the 50% line.
The expectations were unrealistic and it limited me from getting a higher mark to which I fully believe I deserve. I should be grateful that I did not fail but I can not accept the fact that I am unable to get what I truly deserve just because the markers expectations are unrealistic.

The second essay was 500 . There were 4 choices for us to choose from and naturally I chose the easiest topic. Unfortunately, my topic was marked by the hardest marker while all the other markers were a bit trigger happy on giving out D's and HD's. I managed to score a 62%, which is actually pretty high considering its marked by the hard marker. However, I still feel somewhat disadvantaged because it did not reflect how well I did in comparison to the other students and that having her mark my work limited me from achieving higher marks.

Today one of my colleagues rubbed in to me the fact that she got a higher mark than I did (her paper was marked by the trigger-happy teacher). For some reason, instead of being put down, I felt a bit motivated to kick her ass academically.

Perhaps it should dawn upon me getting a distinction is merely a dream that is difficult to achieve. Despite all my effort and time, fate has conspired against me with hard markers and unrealistic expectations set upon by the university.