Slumberjack

I can't sleep. My mind keeps thinking of many many random and stupid things when I lie down on the bed. I wish I could just lie down and fall into a slumber some some of my friends can, because they seem to take that gift for granted.

I rang my girlfriend to tell her I really miss her. Her reaction was one of shock; " did you do something wrong behind my back?" was her reply. She was euphoric when she heard me say that I missed her; albeit a bit confused.

Am I that bad of a boyfriend? Is it so strange for me to say that I miss her without me being guilty of anything? Do I not deserve her trust? Or is this all a part of me just thinking too much?

After that call I felt extremely depressed. There's only 7 months left to our relationship, and I am already worrying about her leaving me forever. I don't want to let go... I don't think I can let go. If I am considered a successful person at this very moment, she is the woman behind me - supporting me from every single aspect of my life. I really cannot imagine life without her at this very moment. I would literally die for her.

But I have to be able to cope with loss as a nurse, don't I? Am I not meant to try to learn something from this experience I am suffering from? Is this what patients with expected terminal illnesses experience? Or am I just being too immature about it all?

It's going to be a long week.