Earlier on this week Andre came on a trek with me to POW hospital. On the way to the main foyer who do you think we happened to see by chance? It was that dumb facilitator who failed me last year when I was at RPAH. What were the chances? Why wasn't she at home looking after her child? When I saw her I instantly remembered all the pain she put me through and gritting my teeth, I held onto Andre's backpack and stopped him from entering the same elevator as her. She saw me but paid no extra attention - perhaps she failed so many students my face was not special enough for her to recognize. I wanted to scream profanities at her but somehow I was able to control myself. I then explained to Andre who she was and it was at that moment it hit me - there is a slight possibility she would be facilitating again.
I don't know if this is hatred or fear that I am experiencing. I thought I would be able to drop the whole issue... but seeing her again renewed my anger and frustration. It seems she has really left a scar in my memories. All I can do now is wish I won't see her ugly rotten face anymore... because if she DOES somehow fail me again, I might be going to prison.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Disgruntled
I believe that the main issues with the learning experience I am facing derives from two factors.
a) Students make up a large part of my negative experience. I have made many good friends, and so far no enemies. However the general attitude of the students piss me off. Where I come in from a different discipline, many of the students studying this Nursing course are from scientific backgrounds thus giving them a boost in their ease of learning. Many of them have developed a smug attitude and have used their expert powers to manipulate others.This is very very different from my perception of UTS. At UTS, I found that most of the students were stupid, but they were genuinely kind hearted. In contrast, USYD seems to have a lot of intellectuals who have the attitudes of spoilt brats.
b) The poor planning and the unfair amount of workload that the university provides is abysmal. I had a very high expectation of this university prior to entering it and now I can see it is all rubbish talk. This university is horrible, the lecturers are bad, facilities are bad and the students are bad.
It's at times like this that can show which friends you can rely on which ones you cannot, as this is a struggle to succeed the hardships of university. So far none of my close friends have failed me, and neither will I fail them.
P.S- I don't give a shit what others think about us anymore. Immature or not, we will not strive to be one of them, as we are better than they are.
a) Students make up a large part of my negative experience. I have made many good friends, and so far no enemies. However the general attitude of the students piss me off. Where I come in from a different discipline, many of the students studying this Nursing course are from scientific backgrounds thus giving them a boost in their ease of learning. Many of them have developed a smug attitude and have used their expert powers to manipulate others.This is very very different from my perception of UTS. At UTS, I found that most of the students were stupid, but they were genuinely kind hearted. In contrast, USYD seems to have a lot of intellectuals who have the attitudes of spoilt brats.
b) The poor planning and the unfair amount of workload that the university provides is abysmal. I had a very high expectation of this university prior to entering it and now I can see it is all rubbish talk. This university is horrible, the lecturers are bad, facilities are bad and the students are bad.
It's at times like this that can show which friends you can rely on which ones you cannot, as this is a struggle to succeed the hardships of university. So far none of my close friends have failed me, and neither will I fail them.
P.S- I don't give a shit what others think about us anymore. Immature or not, we will not strive to be one of them, as we are better than they are.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Immature/Mature
It's been a while since I have posted on the blog. It is a pity, because I do not feel the zeal that I once did when I first started doing this course. I have an early class tomorrow but I really wanted to vent this out so that I could capture this moment.
I may have mentioned in previous blogs that I felt USYD sucking all the joy of learning out of me, but somehow I am able to maintain my genuine interest and drive forward with the only thing that I have got left ; my humor. My secret to learning is to try to make learning fun, to make university an enjoyable experience and a memory that I could look back to when I become a RN in hospitals.
But now, I am seeing the adverse effects of it. I have realised that the atmosphere of the classes have changed since this year. There is a miasma of despair and despondence when I enter the classrooms. Behind every smile is a tired soul wanting to escape, behind every laugh is a cry for freedom. No longer do the students utilise their sense of humor anymore. They have been transformed into zombies who can only think of the next assignment or the next practical test and take no bullshit whatsoever. Gone are the days where we could sit in a classroom and explore the wonders of health technology in glee and fascination. Now lab rooms are rife with worries what the next clinical test will consist of and the consequences of failure.
The genuine smile has become a rare commodity. All that is left is the spreading of cheeks as a friendly gesture.
I however have never taken this approach to learning. But perhaps it is I who needs to change. If taken into comparison, it is me and my friends who look like the idiots of the class. Perhaps they see us as not taking this seriously, with the lives of hundred, if not thousands in our hands. And to back their perspectives up, half of my original friends have failed something and need to repeat it the following year. Are we the ones who are immature and taking a wrong approach to the seriousness of our future occupation?
Today someone told me that she found me and my friend immature because we went to great lengths to go to the same hospital for clinical practice. I personally do not find anything immature or strange to want to go with my friends to the same hospital, but they do have a point. Are we really that fickle and dependent on one another that we have to stick together? But then, what of my own personal wishes to maintain positive memories of enjoying my clinicals with my friends?
Perhaps I should stop acting like a fool and take this seriously. But if I do, how will I cope with the pressure that I usually combat with humor? Will I become zombified permanently when I enter into the workforce? Will my personal goal of achieving positive memories be shattered?
As of right now I am really confused what type of learning attitude I should take. Can I bit a bit more serious but still maintain my humor? No. I believe my humor does not have differing levels for me to tinker with, but is something that I either use or not use.
One thing is for certain though; this is the worst academic experience of my life so far.
I may have mentioned in previous blogs that I felt USYD sucking all the joy of learning out of me, but somehow I am able to maintain my genuine interest and drive forward with the only thing that I have got left ; my humor. My secret to learning is to try to make learning fun, to make university an enjoyable experience and a memory that I could look back to when I become a RN in hospitals.
But now, I am seeing the adverse effects of it. I have realised that the atmosphere of the classes have changed since this year. There is a miasma of despair and despondence when I enter the classrooms. Behind every smile is a tired soul wanting to escape, behind every laugh is a cry for freedom. No longer do the students utilise their sense of humor anymore. They have been transformed into zombies who can only think of the next assignment or the next practical test and take no bullshit whatsoever. Gone are the days where we could sit in a classroom and explore the wonders of health technology in glee and fascination. Now lab rooms are rife with worries what the next clinical test will consist of and the consequences of failure.
The genuine smile has become a rare commodity. All that is left is the spreading of cheeks as a friendly gesture.
I however have never taken this approach to learning. But perhaps it is I who needs to change. If taken into comparison, it is me and my friends who look like the idiots of the class. Perhaps they see us as not taking this seriously, with the lives of hundred, if not thousands in our hands. And to back their perspectives up, half of my original friends have failed something and need to repeat it the following year. Are we the ones who are immature and taking a wrong approach to the seriousness of our future occupation?
Today someone told me that she found me and my friend immature because we went to great lengths to go to the same hospital for clinical practice. I personally do not find anything immature or strange to want to go with my friends to the same hospital, but they do have a point. Are we really that fickle and dependent on one another that we have to stick together? But then, what of my own personal wishes to maintain positive memories of enjoying my clinicals with my friends?
Perhaps I should stop acting like a fool and take this seriously. But if I do, how will I cope with the pressure that I usually combat with humor? Will I become zombified permanently when I enter into the workforce? Will my personal goal of achieving positive memories be shattered?
As of right now I am really confused what type of learning attitude I should take. Can I bit a bit more serious but still maintain my humor? No. I believe my humor does not have differing levels for me to tinker with, but is something that I either use or not use.
One thing is for certain though; this is the worst academic experience of my life so far.
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