Immature/Mature

It's been a while since I have posted on the blog. It is a pity, because I do not feel the zeal that I once did when I first started doing this course. I have an early class tomorrow but I really wanted to vent this out so that I could capture this moment.

I may have mentioned in previous blogs that I felt USYD sucking all the joy of learning out of me, but somehow I am able to maintain my genuine interest and drive forward with the only thing that I have got left ; my humor. My secret to learning is to try to make learning fun, to make university an enjoyable experience and a memory that I could look back to when I become a RN in hospitals.

But now, I am seeing the adverse effects of it. I have realised that the atmosphere of the classes have changed since this year. There is a miasma of despair and despondence when I enter the classrooms. Behind every smile is a tired soul wanting to escape, behind every laugh is a cry for freedom. No longer do the students utilise their sense of humor anymore. They have been transformed into zombies who can only think of the next assignment or the next practical test and take no bullshit whatsoever. Gone are the days where we could sit in a classroom and explore the wonders of health technology in glee and fascination. Now lab rooms are rife with worries what the next clinical test will consist of and the consequences of failure.
The genuine smile has become a rare commodity. All that is left is the spreading of cheeks as a friendly gesture.

I however have never taken this approach to learning. But perhaps it is I who needs to change. If taken into comparison, it is me and my friends who look like the idiots of the class. Perhaps they see us as not taking this seriously, with the lives of hundred, if not thousands in our hands. And to back their perspectives up, half of my original friends have failed something and need to repeat it the following year. Are we the ones who are immature and taking a wrong approach to the seriousness of our future occupation?

Today someone told me that she found me and my friend immature because we went to great lengths to go to the same hospital for clinical practice. I personally do not find anything immature or strange to want to go with my friends to the same hospital, but they do have a point. Are we really that fickle and dependent on one another that we have to stick together? But then, what of my own personal wishes to maintain positive memories of enjoying my clinicals with my friends?


Perhaps I should stop acting like a fool and take this seriously. But if I do, how will I cope with the pressure that I usually combat with humor? Will I become zombified permanently when I enter into the workforce? Will my personal goal of achieving positive memories be shattered?

As of right now I am really confused what type of learning attitude I should take. Can I bit a bit more serious but still maintain my humor? No. I believe my humor does not have differing levels for me to tinker with, but is something that I either use or not use.

One thing is for certain though; this is the worst academic experience of my life so far.